A trauma-informed lens on gaslighting, manipulation, and power
Some clients have no idea they are describing abuse.
Dear Colleague,
A client shares that their partner constantly “corrects” them, questions their memory, shifts blame and alternates between lavish praise and emotional withdrawal. They might blame themselves, wondering why they’re so sensitive or confused. This isn’t just relational conflict. These may be signs of narcissistic abuse, a hidden, insidious form of harm often missed or minimized, even in therapy.
When narcissistic abuse shows up in our sessions, it rarely arrives labeled.
Instead, we see symptoms: chronic self-doubt, anxiety, depression, isolation, confusion, and a trauma bond that makes leaving feel both terrifying and impossible. Survivors may describe the relationship as emotionally draining but still express guilt about setting boundaries. They often rationalize the behavior or struggle to define what’s wrong. Our job is not to diagnose their partner. It is to recognize patterns of coercive control and help clients name their experience.
Narcissistic abuse is real, and we must be ready to see it clearly.
The Types of Abuse Worksheet can support conversations about red flags like gaslighting, intermittent reinforcement, love bombing, and hoovering. In my work, I’ve seen how validating a client’s experience, without rushing them toward decisions, creates space for deeper healing. We can gently explore the patterns, build safety, and slowly help clients reconnect to their inner truth.
If your client doesn’t know what’s happening, you can be the first safe place where it starts to make sense again.
This is delicate work. It asks for presence, patience, pacing, and attunement. But you are not alone in it. These are the moments when we, as providers, make all the difference.
With appreciation for all you do,
#narcissisticabuse #gaslighting #coercivecontrol #traumainformedcare #relationshipabuserecovery