Control doesn’t always come with bruises. Sometimes, it comes with silence, fear, and shrinking your truth to survive.
Dear Survivor,
You may not have called it control at the time. Maybe it looked like jealousy. Or concern. Or the kind of love that just wanted you “safe.” But if you ever felt like you had to ask permission to be yourself, you were likely experiencing coercive control.
Coercive control in relationships is a pattern of behavior used to dominate and isolate a partner without the use of physical violence. It is psychological abuse designed to erode your autonomy, your freedom, and your voice.
Narcissists use coercive control to maintain power while making it seem like they’re protecting or loving you.
They may insist on knowing where you are at all times. They may criticize your friends, guilt you into staying home, or question your judgment constantly. Over time, these moments chip away at your confidence. You begin to second-guess every choice, every word, every relationship outside of theirs.
Here are some common ways coercive control shows up:
- Isolation: Cutting you off from friends, family, or support
- Surveillance: Checking your phone, social media, or whereabouts obsessively
- Financial control: Limiting your access to money or making you justify every expense
- Emotional manipulation: Using fear, guilt, or shame to keep you compliant
- Micromanagement: Dictating what you wear, how you speak, or who you engage with
None of these behaviors are loving. They are tactics used to create dependency, confusion, and fear. And yet, survivors often don’t recognize them as abuse—because they are slow, subtle, and often wrapped in “care.”
If this is sounding familiar, please know it’s not your fault. What happened to you is real. And it is serious. The Types of Abuse Worksheet can help you see the full scope of coercive control and name what’s been difficult to describe.
You deserve relationships where love and freedom coexist. Control has no place in healing.
Blessings and healing,
Catrina
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