March 27, 2025
Dear Brave Survivor,
Healing is deeply personal. For those who are survived abuse and trauma, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by expectations or comparisons. You might wonder why your progress doesn’t look like someone else’s or feel frustrated because it seems like you’re moving slower than you think you should. But here’s the truth that many don’t often hear enough: progress is progress. Healing is not a race, and there’s no one “right” way to do it.
Your Journey Is Yours Alone
One of the most liberating things you can do for yourself is to acknowledge that your healing path will never look like anyone else’s. And it shouldn’t. No two people have the same experiences, so why should you hold yourself to someone else’s timeline or milestones? You have the right to honor your own pace, whether that means taking small steps, pausing when you need to, or even just surviving some days. Progress can be as simple as getting out of bed, asking for help, or even recognizing the need to rest. Every inch forward counts, no matter what it looks like.
Avoid the Comparison Trap
It’s natural to look around and compare yourself to others. You might see someone who seems to have “moved on” and quietly wonder, “Why am I not there yet?” But what you don’t see are the struggles, setbacks, or silent moments that shaped their healing. We tend to compare our behind-the-scenes moments to someone else’s highlight reel. And it’s not fair to you, me or anyone.
Instead of focusing on how far someone else has come, take a moment to reflect on your own progress. Celebrate the strength it took to get through yesterday, the courage it takes to face today, and the hope you hold for tomorrow. Healing is not about gaining approval or measuring up to others; it’s about reclaiming your life and finding peace on your own terms.
Trust Yourself
There’s incredible power in trusting your own instincts. You know yourself better than anyone else. You know what feels safe, what feels empowering, and what feels like the right step forward. Society often pressures survivors to follow certain narratives or meet certain expectations, but your recovery is not about meeting external standards. It’s about making choices that feel right for you.
Some days, healing might look like crying it out. Other days, it might look like venturing into a new hobby, building healthy friendships, or simply taking time alone. Whatever healing looks like for you, give yourself permission to honor it.
Progress Is Built on Autonomy
At its core, healing is a radical act of reclaiming your autonomy (making your own choices). Abuse takes away control, choice, and safety. But with every decision you make for yourself—from how you spend your day to who you allow in your life—you’re taking back that power. Recognize how far you’ve already come just by being here, living, and taking steps forward, even on the hard days.
Give Yourself Grace
Healing isn’t linear. There will be days when you feel strong and days when you feel more vulnerable. Both are okay. Be gentle with yourself on those tough days. Instead of focusing on what you haven’t achieved yet, focus on what you have. Think about the courage it takes to heal. Even moments of rest or reflection are part of the process. You deserve compassion, especially from yourself.
Celebrating Every Step Forward
You don’t need to wait for a big milestone to celebrate your progress. Every step matters, no matter how small it may seem in the moment. Whether it’s reaching out for support, learning something new about yourself, or simply finding a moment of joy, you are moving forward.
Remember, healing isn’t about perfection or speed; it’s about persistence and self-love. There’s no time limit to reclaiming your sense of safety, identity, and peace. The only “right” way is the one that feels right for you. You’re not behind; you’re just on your path, and that is more than enough. Keep going. You’re doing better than you think.
Blessings and Healing,