Grief can come not just from loss, but from finally seeing the truth.
Dear Survivor,
Letting go of an illusion can hurt more than letting go of a person.
I remember grieving not just the relationship, but the future I imagined, the words I believed, the version of love I tried to hold together. It wasn’t just loss. It was disillusionment. And that pain is real, even when others don’t understand it.
You are allowed to mourn what could have been.
Even if the relationship was unhealthy, your feelings were real. That includes the deep emotional pull that kept you attached, even when you were hurting. That bond is called trauma bonding, and it is a very real part of abuse. It forms when fear, hope, and intermittent kindness are tangled together.
Grief is not proof you made the wrong choice.
It is part of leaving a trauma bond and reclaiming your truth. You may miss the person even as you heal from the pain. You can grieve what you lost and still honor what you saved. You did not fail. You woke up.
There is a unique sorrow in realizing the love you gave was never truly returned.
When connection is shaped by trauma, the intensity can feel like love even when it is rooted in harm. This confusion is one reason letting go of an abusive partner feels so heavy. But grief does not mean you should have stayed. It means your heart was invested. That is something to bless, not shame.
You get to feel sad and still move forward.
Grief after trauma is not a step backward. It is a sign that you are telling yourself the truth. Some days will feel heavier than others, but each day you face your grief, you take back more of yourself.
That is what emotional recovery looks like.
The Recovery Roadmap offers steps for processing your past without blaming yourself for it. It can help you name the bond for what it was and begin the gentle work of healing what kept you tied. Your grief does not mean you are broken.
It means you are becoming free.
Blessings and healing,
#narcissisticabuse #domesticviolence #DV #IPV #emotionalabuse #healingjourney #traumarecovery #relationshipabuse #abusesurvivor #mentalhealth #toxicrelationships #survivorstories #griefafterabuse #traumabonding #narcissisticrelationship