April 5, 2025
Dear Survivor,
Rebuilding confidence after experiencing domestic violence or relationship abuse is a deeply personal and courageous journey. If you’ve found yourself feeling overwhelmed by self-doubt, you’re not alone. These feelings might sneak in during quiet moments or even when you’re making progress, making you question your worth or abilities.
The truth is, self-doubt doesn’t define you, and it doesn’t have to hold you back. You can take small, meaningful steps to reclaim your inner strength and confidence. Even if you are still in an abusive relationship, you can still control your own thoughts and intentions.
Here are three practical hacks to help you quiet self-doubt and rediscover your confidence.
1. Use Affirmations to Rewire Negative Thoughts
The words we tell ourselves have power. After an abusive relationship, it’s common to internalize harmful messages, making it hard to believe in your own worth. Positive affirmations work to replace those destructive beliefs with ones that empower you to see your true value.
How to Get Started:
- Think about the negative things you often say to yourself, such as “I’m not good enough” or “Nobody cares about me.”
- Write down affirmations that directly challenge these thoughts. For example, if you often feel unworthy, an affirmation could be, “I deserve love and kindness.”
- Make affirmations a daily habit. Speak them out loud every morning, write them in your journal, or repeat them in stressful moments.
- When self-doubt starts to creep in, pause, take a deep breath, and say your affirmations intentionally.
Example:
Mary, a survivor, started small by repeating one affirmation every day when she looked in the mirror. Her favorite was, “I am stronger than I think.” Over time, this simple routine helped her feel more grounded and confident in her ability to move forward.
By regularly using affirmations, you begin to rewire your inner dialogue, creating a kinder and more empowering mental environment.
2. Build a “Confidence Anchor”
When moments of self-doubt hit, it’s easy to feel disconnected from your strength. A confidence anchor gives you a concrete way to ground yourself during these times. An anchor is something personal that reminds you of your courage, achievements, or qualities you’re proud of.
How to Build Your Anchor:
- Think of a specific memory, accomplishment, or kind words someone said that made you feel strong or worthy.
- Choose a physical item, image, or symbol that represents this anchor. For example, a locket, a song, or even a simple keychain can serve as a reminder of your resilience.
- When self-doubt sneaks in, hold or reflect on this anchor. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and focus on the strength it symbolizes.
Example:
Mia, another survivor, chose a charm bracelet as her anchor. It reminded her of the moment she courageously left her abusive relationship. Every time she touched the bracelet, she remembered the bravery it took to take that step, and it gave her the courage to face her doubts.
Using a confidence anchor can help you reclaim feelings of self-worth and remind you of the progress you’ve already made.
3. Take Micro-Actions to Challenge Self-Doubt
Sometimes, the fight against self-doubt feels too big to tackle all at once. That’s where micro-actions come in. These are small, manageable steps that help you build confidence gradually, one choice at a time. Each micro-action reinforces the truth that you are capable and strong.
How to Use Micro-Actions:
- When self-doubt arises, identify one small action you can take in response. It might be writing one positive thing about yourself, sending a supportive message to a friend, or speaking up about an idea you have.
- Start small to avoid feeling overwhelmed, and give yourself permission to celebrate even the tiniest win.
- Over time, build on these small steps, gradually creating new, positive habits that reinforce your confidence.
Example:
Priya started her micro-action practice by looking in the mirror each morning and saying one kind thing about herself. At first, it felt silly, but as the days went by, she found it empowering to focus on what she appreciated about herself. That small act grew into a daily self-care routine that became a crucial part of rebuilding her confidence.
Micro-actions may seem small, but the cumulative effect can be life-changing as they bring you closer to your empowered self.
Take Away
It’s important to remember that self-doubt is a natural part of the healing process after abuse. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or incapable; it simply means you’re human. By practicing these hacks, you’re taking active steps to rewrite your inner story and reclaim your confidence.
Start with affirmations to reshape your mindset, use a confidence anchor to ground yourself, and take micro-actions to prove to yourself that you are capable of growth. Each time you practice these techniques, you’re making progress, building your strength, and moving closer to feeling like your powerful, confident self.
Remember to be patient and kind to yourself along the way. Every step, no matter how small, is a victory worth celebrating. You’ve already taken the first step by reading this post, and that in itself is a testament to your courage. You are stronger than you know, and you deserve to feel confident, loved, and whole.
Blessings and Healing,