If you’ve experienced domestic violence or relationship abuse, it can be hard to make sense of what you’re going through.
You might feel confused, overwhelmed, or question your own reality. These feelings are common—but they don’t change the fact that what’s happening (or has happened) to you is not your fault.
Here are 3 simple truths to help you find clarity, validation, and safety as you move through this difficult time.
3 Truths for Survivors
Truth #1: Recognize that abuse isn’t just physical, and trust your instincts.
When most people think of abuse, they think of physical violence. But abuse can take many forms, including emotional, verbal, financial, and psychological abuse. It’s important to recognize and validate the experiences you’ve had, even if there are no physical injuries.
For example, emotional abuse may involve being belittled, manipulated through guilt, or convinced that “it’s all in your head.”
Gaslighting, a form of psychological abuse, happens when someone twists the truth to make you doubt your perception of reality. They might say things like, “You’re overreacting,” or “That never happened,” when it clearly did.
If you’ve felt confused or questioned your reality because of someone else’s behavior, it’s not “just you.”
Recognizing these patterns of abuse is a significant step toward understanding your experiences. Trust your gut—even if others dismiss your feelings or make you doubt yourself, your instincts are there to protect you.
Truth #2: You have the strength to make decisions that are right for you.
One of the hardest parts of being in an abusive relationship is feeling like the power has been taken away from you.
An abuser often tries to control your decisions and make you feel incapable. But here’s the truth they don’t want you to know: you are stronger and more capable than they’ve led you to believe.
Empowerment doesn’t have to mean a big, immediate change. It might start with something as simple as setting a boundary in your mind, clarifying what you are and aren’t OK with, or reaching out to someone you trust. Even small steps can reinforce your resilience and give you a sense of control over your life.
Remember, making decisions that are right for you doesn’t always mean leaving right away.
Every situation is different, and what matters most is your safety and well-being. Whether it’s staying for now, taking steps to leave when it’s safe, or seeking emotional support, honor the choices that feel best for you.
You’ve already shown incredible strength by surviving this. That strength is still within you, and with time, you’ll be able to take back even more power.
Truth #3: Think about your safety and use tools to help you assess your situation.
Your safety is the most important thing. Abuse often escalates unpredictably, so it’s vital to plan carefully if you’re considering any changes.
A good starting place can be tools like the Types of Abuse worksheet to help you identify what’s happening or the Recovery Roadmap to create safe next steps.
These tools can give you clarity and help you make decisions at your own pace. They’re designed to guide you safely while protecting your emotional and physical well-being.
Other practical safety reminders include:
- Keep emergency contacts handy in a place only you can access.
- Create a code word with trusted friends or family that signals you need help.
- If you plan to leave, take copies of essential documents (IDs, financial records, etc.) where they won’t easily be found.
Above all, take care of yourself emotionally. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that dealing with abuse is incredibly hard. Your feelings are valid, and your safety matters.
Recognizing abuse, reclaiming your power, and prioritizing safety can feel overwhelming at first.
But with support, small steps, and tools to guide you, you can move forward in a way that honors both your past and the future you deserve.
You are not alone. And you are worth every ounce of care and compassion you extend to yourself.