Love doesn’t just disappear when someone causes harm, and that can be the hardest part.
Dear Survivor,
If you’ve ever found yourself missing someone who hurt you, or wondering why you still love your abusive ex, know this: you are not alone, and you are not broken. This is one of the most common and painful questions survivors ask. It can bring shame, confusion, and deep self-doubt. But the truth is, love and pain often exist side by side in abusive relationships, and untangling them takes time.
You may have bonded through moments of closeness, vulnerability, or even shared dreams. The cycle of abuse often includes periods of kindness, affection, or apology. These highs can be incredibly powerful, especially when they follow the lows. Over time, your nervous system becomes wired for survival in chaos. That doesn’t mean your love wasn’t real, it means it was complicated by fear, control, and unmet emotional needs.
The question “why do I still love my abusive ex” is deeply valid and deserves a shame-free answer.
Our hearts don’t always catch up with our decisions right away. Love that developed in the midst of abuse isn’t something you can just shut off. And if you were manipulated, gaslit, or emotionally isolated, it’s even more likely you formed a trauma bond, a connection that feels intense but is rooted in survival, not safety.
Healing from that kind of attachment takes self-compassion, not self-blame.
If this resonates, I encourage you to explore The Recovery Roadmap. It’s a powerful resource to help you understand the emotional impact of abusive relationships and guide you toward healing with grace and clarity. Asking “Why do I still love my abusive ex?” is not weakness. It’s a step toward freedom, and your freedom is sacred.
You are allowed to feel love and still walk away.
Blessings and healing,
Catrina
#narcissisticabuse #domesticviolence #DV #IPV #abuser #toxicrelationships #abusivepartners #emotionalabuse #narcissist #survivorstories #healingjourney #traumarecovery #relationshipabuse #abusesurvivor #mentalhealth #healingafterabuse #coercivecontrol