When hurt becomes a pattern, the difference matters, and your feelings deserve clarity.
Dear Survivor,
If you’ve ever wondered whether what you’re experiencing is abuse or just a “bad relationship,” you’re not alone. Many survivors wrestle with this question, especially when the behavior they’re experiencing doesn’t leave visible bruises. Abuse doesn’t always scream. Sometimes, it whispers, manipulates, or wears the mask of love. And that can make it incredibly confusing.
So, how do you know if it’s abuse or just toxic? One of the clearest signs is the presence of control. Abuse is about power, one person consistently asserting dominance over another, often through fear, shame, or manipulation. Toxic behaviors might include frequent arguments, poor communication, or emotional immaturity. Abuse, however, involves intentional harm, coercion, and a consistent erosion of your autonomy and self-worth.
If it leaves you feeling unsafe, small, or silenced, it may be more than just toxic.
You might feel isolated, exhausted, or like you’re losing your sense of self. You may even doubt your own reality. These are common signs of emotional or psychological abuse. It’s also common to feel stuck, unsure if what you’re experiencing “counts” as abuse. But you don’t need to have a perfect definition to honor your pain. If it hurts and keeps hurting, that is enough to seek support.
The question “how to know if it’s abuse or just toxic” is not a sign of confusion, it’s a sign of awakening.
To explore this further, I encourage you to download the Types of Abuse Worksheet. It offers a compassionate framework for understanding the many forms of harm that often go unnamed. Your experiences matter. Your story matters. And you deserve safety, not survival.
You don’t need permission to leave what hurts.
Blessings and healing,
Catrina
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