Self-blame is a scar survivors carry, not because it’s true, but because it felt safer than the truth.
Dear Survivor,
If you’ve ever thought, I blame myself for the abuse, please pause and take a breath with me. That feeling is so real, so heavy, and so common. Many survivors carry the belief that they should have left sooner, done more, fought harder, or seen the signs. But blaming yourself is not a sign of truth. It’s a symptom of trauma.
If you’re thinking, I blame myself for the abuse, that is a sign of trauma, not truth.
Abuse doesn’t begin with cruelty. It begins with charm, connection, or vulnerability. Abusers slowly distort your reality, breaking you down piece by piece while convincing you it’s your fault. Over time, you start to internalize their voice, the one that says you provoked it, that you’re too sensitive, that you brought this on yourself. But none of that is true.
You didn’t cause the abuse. You survived it.
Self-blame can feel easier than admitting someone you loved, trusted, or depended on chose to harm you. It gives you the illusion of control, as if changing something about yourself could have prevented the pain. But healing begins when you give the blame back to where it belongs. You did not deserve to be controlled, criticized, or mistreated.
If you’re thinking, I blame myself for the abuse, I invite you to explore Reclaiming Strength: A Workbook for Relationship Abuse Survivors. It’s a supportive tool designed to help you rewrite those internal narratives and rebuild a sense of self rooted in truth, not trauma.
You are not to blame for someone else’s choice to harm.
Blessings and healing,
Catrina
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