April 8, 2025
Dear Survivor,
There’s a moment that sticks with me, one I still replay in my mind. I remember standing there, second-guessing everything I felt, everything I saw. My intuition was screaming, but I silenced it. The mistake? I didn’t trust myself. And in the aftermath of gaslighting, that isn’t just an oversight; it’s a wound, one that takes time to heal.
Looking back, I realize how deep the doubt had settled into my bones. I wasn’t just questioning the situation—I was questioning me.
For anyone who has experienced gaslighting, this feeling may sound all too familiar. Gaslighting isn’t just emotional manipulation; it’s an attack on your reality. It makes you doubt your perceptions, your feelings, and even your sanity. And when faced with that kind of erosion, it’s no wonder many of us stop trusting ourselves.
Why Do We Stop Trusting Ourselves?
For most, the reasons boil down to two things. The first is self-doubt, a subtle voice planted by consistent manipulation. When someone repeatedly denies your perception of events or spins the narrative to blame you, it’s easy to internalize the message that maybe I’m the problem. Over time, you start second-guessing everything.
The second reason is fear. Speaking up, trusting your instincts, and confronting the situation can feel terrifying. After all, what if you’re wrong? What if it just makes things worse? Fear coupled with the manipulator’s grip can leave you paralyzed, unable to stand firmly in your truth.
Sometimes, it’s even a mix of both. You hesitate to trust yourself because the abuser’s power feels overwhelming. Or because believing in your own truth would force decisions and changes you aren’t sure you’re ready to make.
The Turning Point
For me, the shift began when I started seeing the cracks in the other person’s facade. I remember hearing others talk about their similar experiences, bravely sharing stories that ran parallel to mine. Even more eye-opening was watching my abuser play the same games with others. Suddenly, it wasn’t just me. I wasn’t “too sensitive” or “making things up” like they’d claimed—I wasn’t alone.
That realization was a small but steady flame, one I fanned into something brighter. Little by little, hearing those stories and seeing the patterns gave me permission to believe myself again.
Rebuilding trust in yourself doesn’t happen overnight, but it starts with small moments of clarity and courage. Moments where you choose to trust your instincts, no matter how badly you may want external validation.
How to Start Trusting Yourself Again
If you find yourself doubting your instincts after gaslighting, be patient with yourself. Healing is a process, and rebuilding self-trust is part of that. Start with small, intentional steps.
1. Ask Yourself, “What Would I Tell a Friend?”
Imagine your best friend confiding in you about a situation like yours. Imagine them saying they feel manipulated or unsure of their reality. What advice would you offer them? What would you want them to believe about themselves? The truth is, you deserve the same compassion and belief you’d show to someone you care about.
2. Look for Patterns
Gaslighters don’t reserve their tactics for just one person. If you can, step back and observe their behavior with others. Do you notice similar mind games? Are the same people being turned into scapegoats or doubting themselves? Seeing those patterns in other relationships can validate your feelings and help you regain clarity.
3. Trust the Feeling, Not the Noise
Gaslighting thrives on confusion. The abuser’s words, excuses, and justifications tend to be loud, constant, and overwhelming. But deep down, your gut knows the truth. Practice tuning into that quiet, steady feeling inside of you. You don’t need to explain or prove it for it to be valid.
4. Surround Yourself with Truth-Givers
Seek out people who affirm your reality. This could mean talking to trusted friends or family, joining a support group, or even reading stories from others who’ve been in similar situations. Their voices can drown out the doubt and remind you that you’re not alone.
5. Give Yourself Grace
It’s easy to beat yourself up for not trusting your intuition sooner. Don’t. Self-trust takes time to heal, and it won’t be perfect. Celebrate the small wins, like recognizing manipulation or choosing not to second-guess a decision you made. These moments matter.
You Are Worth Believing
Learning to trust yourself again after gaslighting isn’t just a step toward healing; it’s an act of reclaiming your power. Every time you choose to trust your gut, every time you affirm your worth, you’re taking that power back.
Remember this: you are not broken. The voice inside you, the one that was silenced, has always been there, waiting patiently. You’ve had the wisdom all along. Trust might not come easily right now, but each time you choose to believe yourself, you show yourself something important—that you are worth listening to.
Your truth matters. And so do you.
Wishing you blessings and healing,