April 9, 2025
Hello Survivor,
First, I want to take a moment to honor the remarkable step you’ve taken by leaving an abusive relationship. That takes courage, strength, and resilience. You might now be in a place where the external harm has ceased, but if you’re struggling with harsh self-talk or lingering doubts, know that you’re not alone. Today, I want to help you begin to shift that internal dialogue with some gentle and practical ways to speak kindly to yourself.
Healing may take time, but learning to treat yourself with love and compassion is a powerful step forward. (They also apply if you are still in the relationship.) These practices blend affirmations, mindfulness techniques, and self-compassion strategies. Each one is designed to help you nurture a healthier, more supportive relationship with yourself.
1. Start Your Day with Kind Words
Mornings often set the tone for the day. Begin yours with a daily affirmation such as, “I am worthy of love, kindness, and respect” or “I am strong, and I am healing.” Repeat it to yourself in a quiet moment or write it on a sticky note and place it somewhere you’ll see often, like your bathroom mirror or fridge.
Why it helps: Positive affirmations work to reframe negative thoughts and create a habit of kindness toward yourself.
2. Pause and Breathe When Criticism Strikes
It’s easy to slip into self-critical thoughts, even spirals. The next time you catch yourself saying something harsh, like “I’m so stupid” or “Why did I trust them?” take a deep breath. Pause and ask, “Would I say this to a friend I love?” If not, replace it with something softer, like, “I did my best with the information I had,” or “I am learning and growing every day.”
Why it helps: Awareness of harmful thoughts allows you to replace them with gentler, more constructive ones over time.
3. Create a Kindness Jar
Grab a jar or box and some small pieces of paper. Each day, write one positive thing about yourself or your progress. It could be as simple as, “I took care of myself today” or “I am proud of how strong I’ve become.” On tough days, pull one from the jar to remind yourself of the good.
Why it helps: Focusing on small victories trains your mind to notice your growth and resilience.
4. Practice Grounding Through Gratitude
When negative thoughts and emotions feel overwhelming, shift your focus to gratitude as an act of mindfulness. Think or write about three small things you’re grateful for today. It might be as simple as the sunshine on your skin, a kind word from someone, or a comforting cup of tea.
Why it helps: Gratitude is a powerful tool for staying present and cultivating a positive mindset.
5. Offer Yourself Forgiveness
If guilt or self-blame starts to creep in, counter it with forgiveness. Acknowledge the feeling, but remind yourself that you are human and healing. Try saying, “I forgive myself, and I release this to make room for compassion.”
Why it helps: Choosing forgiveness interrupts cycles of self-judgment and creates space for acceptance.
6. Engage in Loving Self-Talk During Self-Care
When tending to your physical needs, like brushing your hair or taking a shower, make a point to speak lovingly to yourself. You might say, “I deserve to care for my body, because my body has carried me through so much,” or “This is my time to nurture myself.”
Why it helps: Pairing self-care with gentle affirmations reinforces the idea that you are worthy of love and care.
7. Surround Yourself with Affirming Reminders
Place visual reminders of your healing around your home or space. It could be uplifting quotes, photos of people you love, or symbols of strength. Every time you see these, take a moment to feel the support and encouragement they embody.
Why it helps: Seeing affirmations and symbols of healing in your environment keeps you anchored in a supportive space.
8. Celebrate Small Wins
Every step forward, no matter how small it seems, is a victory. Maybe you set a boundary, took a moment to rest, or spoke up for yourself. Acknowledge these moments with compassion. Tell yourself, “I did that, and it matters.”
Why it helps: Celebrating progress builds confidence and reinforces positive patterns.
A Gentle Reminder
Healing is a process, not a sprint. It’s okay to take baby steps, pause, or fall back a bit. What matters is that you extend grace to yourself along the way. Every time you choose to speak kindly to yourself, you’re undoing the effects of harmful words and experiences, and building a foundation for a healthier, more empowered you.
You are worthy of love, patience, and healing.
With warmth and encouragement,
P.S. Remember, you’re not alone on this path. If you’re struggling, reach out to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group who can help you on this beautiful, yet challenging, road to healing. You’re worth it.