April 10, 2025
Dear Colleague,
Working with survivors of domestic violence and relationship abuse is a profound responsibility. Your ability to guide and support individuals through their healing journeys can transform lives. Healing from trauma is deeply tied to the mindsets survivors develop and the actions they take. By understanding the subtle yet crucial shifts in perspective that influence recovery, we, as therapists, can help clients move from pain toward empowerment.
This newsletter focuses on key mindset distinctions that shape a survivor’s healing process and offers actionable strategies to help your clients thrive. Together, we can create a therapeutic space where growth feels possible and healing becomes achievable.
Key Mindset Shifts to Encourage in Your Clients
- Self-Compassion vs. Self-Blame Survivors often struggle with self-blame, believing they should have avoided or predicted the abuse. Gently help clients replace these harmful thoughts with self-compassion. Therapeutic tools like guided self-compassion practices or writing letters to themselves as if they were a friend can help shift this narrative.
- Forgiveness vs. Resentment A common challenge is guiding clients to understand forgiveness—not as forgetting or excusing the harm—but as releasing themselves from the grip of anger and resentment. Help clients reframe forgiveness as a gift to their own mental and emotional well-being, without pressuring them to forgive prematurely.
- Positive Affirmations vs. Self-Criticism Survivors frequently internalize criticism, especially if they endured gaslighting or verbal abuse. Encourage positive reframing in therapy using cognitive restructuring techniques. For example, introduce affirmations catered to their lived experiences, like “I am learning to trust myself again,” rather than broad, generalized statements they may struggle to connect with.
- Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset Help clients recognize that healing is a process, not an endpoint. Normalize setbacks and foster a growth mindset by celebrating small wins in therapy. Use psychoeducation to teach that trauma does not permanently define identity but is simply a part of the story.
- Focus on the Present and Future vs. Dwelling on the Past Survivors can feel trapped in reliving their traumatic experiences. Teach grounding exercises, mindfulness techniques, and visualization practices to help clients remain anchored in the present while building hope for the future. Explore small, achievable goals to give them a sense of progress.
- Seeking Support vs. Isolation Isolation is a common coping mechanism, particularly if survivors feel burdened by shame or mistrust. Work collaboratively to identify safe, supportive people in their lives. If none exist, suggest local or online survivor groups to foster connection and understanding.
- Belief in Self-Worth vs. Feelings of Unworthiness Abuse often strips survivors of their self-worth. Encourage strategies like self-compassion journaling or helping clients list qualities and achievements they’re proud of, even during times of difficulty. Teach clients that their value is inherent and not tied to their past experiences.
- Openness to Learning vs. Resistance to Change Change is frightening, especially in the aftermath of trauma. Consider motivational interviewing techniques to highlight a client’s readiness for change. Validate their fears while gently encouraging experimentation with new tools or actions that align with their recovery goals.
Strategies to Encourage Healing Behaviors in Therapy
As therapists, one of our greatest roles is equipping clients with skills and actionable steps that empower their recovery. Here are some practical approaches:
- Engaging in Therapy Normalize attending therapy as an investment in themselves. Consider affirming their courage in seeking help and establishing therapy as a collaborative, non-judgmental space to process their trauma and grow.
- Boundary-Setting Workshops Many survivors struggle to say “no,” often fearing conflict or rejection. Role-play boundary-setting scenarios in sessions or provide handouts on boundary types. Reinforce that boundaries are an expression of self-respect, not selfishness.
- Practicing Self-Care Survivors may feel undeserving of self-care or see it as indulgent. Help them reimagine it as survival care. Introduce small, achievable steps tailored to their emotional readiness––from mindful breathing to connecting with nature.
Addressing External Barriers to Healing
Clients’ external environments are as important as their internal coping tools. Here’s how you can address some external factors:
- Safe Environments: If clients are in unsafe situations, help them create safety plans. Connect them with organizations that specialize in helping survivors leave abusive households or provide emergency resources.
- Strong Support Systems: Talk with clients about the people in their lives who make them feel valued and understood. Help them identify safe relationships while offering encouragement to rebuild trust.
- Access to Resources: Keep a list of evidence-based resources at hand, such as hotlines, shelters, or legal assistance. Suggest books or podcasts designed for survivors, and explore accessible therapy tools they can use between sessions.
A Reflective Moment for Therapists
Take some time to reflect on how you engage with clients on this healing path. How can you incorporate these insights into your sessions in a way that feels empowering to both you and your client? Keep in mind that healing takes time and won’t look the same for everyone.
Your role as a therapist is vital in helping survivors reclaim their identities, build meaningful lives, and discover hope. We hope these tools and strategies support you in creating a therapeutic space where recovery feels possible.
Thank you for your unwavering commitment to this essential work.
With gratitude and encouragement,
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