Trauma bonding can feel invisible, yet it powerfully keeps survivors tethered to abusive relationships.
Dear Colleague,
Understanding trauma bonding is essential for anyone committed to trauma-informed care. It is one of the most misunderstood dynamics in abusive relationships and one of the most emotionally complex.
Trauma bonding occurs when a survivor forms an intense, often confusing emotional attachment to their abuser. This bond is fueled by a cycle of abuse followed by intermittent kindness, apologies, or promises of change. These moments of warmth trigger hope, relief, and connection, which makes it even harder to leave.
Survivors caught in trauma bonds often feel torn. They may express guilt for staying, deep confusion about whether the relationship is truly abusive, or a powerful sense of loyalty to the very person causing them harm. They may fear being alone more than they fear being mistreated.
It’s not love, it’s trauma bonding
As providers, recognizing these dynamics is critical. When we understand trauma bonding, we stop asking questions like, “Why don’t they just leave?” Instead, we create a space where survivors can explore their ambivalence without shame.
Validating the emotional pull of the bond helps survivors feel seen and understood, not pressured or judged. It opens the door to gently unpacking patterns of emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and betrayal that are often at the core of the bond.
Our role is to support survivors in reconnecting with their values, identifying red flags, and building emotional safety. Healing from trauma bonding involves reclaiming autonomy, rebuilding self-trust, and learning to identify love that does not require pain.
👉 Resource to Support Your Practice: Monthly Free Peer Support Group
Connect with other professionals navigating these clinical challenges. We process together, with no pressure to have it all figured out.
By deepening our understanding of trauma bonding, we strengthen our ability to help survivors break free from harmful dynamics and move toward healing on their own terms.
With appreciation for all you do,
Catrina LPCS
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