Gaslighting isn’t just psychological manipulation; it’s a calculated effort to take control over someone’s reality.
Dear Colleague,
Gaslighting is one of the most harmful tactics used in narcissistic abuse. It warps a survivor’s self-perception, undermines their confidence, and leaves them feeling disoriented and doubtful of their own experiences. By identifying its types and understanding how it manifests in therapy, we can better support survivors who are struggling to make sense of a reality clouded by manipulation.
Types of Gaslighting and How They Show Up in Therapy
- Countering This occurs when an abuser questions or denies their victim’s memory of events. Survivors might hear statements like, “That never happened,” or “You’re imagining things.” In therapy, survivors may express hesitation in recounting events, frequently prefacing with statements such as, “Maybe I’m remembering it wrong,” or “I sometimes feel like I might be making it all up.”
- Trivializing An abuser may downplay a survivor’s feelings or concerns to invalidate their experiences, saying things like, “You’re so sensitive” or “You’re overreacting.” Survivors often bring these messages into therapy as distorted beliefs, feeling shame or guilt for reacting to the abuse. They may struggle to see their emotions as valid or proportional.
- Withholding This involves an abuser refusing to communicate or engage, often claiming they “do not understand” what the survivor is saying. Survivors may share in therapy that they felt ignored or that their efforts to seek clarity in the relationship were met with responses like, “You’re not making any sense.” This can lead to deep frustration and feelings of isolation.
- Misusing Information An abuser might take personal information shared by the survivor and use it against them during arguments or in controlling behaviors. Survivors often present in therapy feeling confused about why their vulnerability keeps backfiring, or they might express reluctance to trust others with their emotions.
- Gaslighting Through Fragmentation This occurs when an abuser creates chaos by providing conflicting information, setting unreachable standards, or frequently shifting the narrative. Survivors in therapy may describe feeling hopelessly “off balance,” unsure of how to make decisions or trust their own intuition.
How This Appears in the Therapeutic Setting
When survivors of gaslighting enter therapy, it’s common for them to bring a tangle of doubts about who they are, what they’ve experienced, or whether their emotions are valid. You may find they overly apologize for being “too much” or say things like “Maybe it’s me” when describing their experiences. Often, survivors are unaware they’ve been subjected to gaslighting and instead blame themselves for feeling confused or anxious.
This is where your role becomes critical. By helping them name and validate their experiences, you begin to untangle the web of manipulation. Providing psychoeducation about gaslighting may give them the clarity and confidence to trust their perception again. Help them to explore and validate the reality of their experience.
Tools to Support Your Work
To empower both you and the survivors you work with, these resources are designed to enhance understanding and provide actionable insights:
1. Types of Abuse Worksheet: Many survivors don’t fully realize the scope of what they’ve endured. By breaking down the different types of abuse—including gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and financial control—this worksheet helps survivors name their experiences and validate their pain. It’s an excellent tool for both psychoeducation and guiding therapeutic conversations.
2. Monthly Free Peer Support Group for Providers: The complexity of working with survivors of narcissistic abuse can take an emotional toll on even the most seasoned therapists. This support group offers a welcoming space to process challenges, collaborate with peers, and share effective strategies in a community of understanding professionals.
Gaslighting is designed to keep survivors in a fog. But with the right tools, knowledge, and support, you can offer much-needed clarity, empowering your clients to reclaim their reality and rebuild their sense of self. Together, we can create a path of healing that is grounded in empathy and validation.
Thank you for the incredible work you do to support survivors. You are making a difference every single day.
With appreciation for all you do,
#TherapistResources #EmpoweringSurvivors #DomesticViolenceAwareness #RelationshipAbuse #HealingTogether #TherapistsSupportingTherapists