Not every “I’m sorry” is meant to heal.
Dear Survivor,
Some survivors tell me they feel crazy for doubting apologies. They hear “I’m sorry,” and part of them wants to believe it, hold it, make it mean something. But then nothing changes. Or worse, the kindness fades and the harm returns, often quickly. This isn’t forgetfulness or poor communication. It’s manipulation.
Sometimes, apologies are not acts of love, but tools of control.
Abusive partners often use apologies to reset the cycle. They may cry, buy gifts, or say everything you’ve been longing to hear. It feels like hope. It feels like maybe they finally understand. But if the apology is not followed by lasting change, responsibility, and effort, it’s not repair. It’s another layer of confusion, designed to keep you close and quiet.
You are not wrong for wanting to believe in goodness, even in someone who caused you harm.
Your desire to hope does not make you naive. It makes you human. If this feels familiar, I encourage you to explore the Types of Abuse Worksheet. It’s a gentle, eye-opening tool to help you name what’s happening, especially when the lines feel blurred. Naming is the first step toward clarity.
Real love takes responsibility. Real apologies change behavior.
Blessings and healing,
Catrina
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