Survivors are not naive. They are being conditioned. Dear Colleague, One of the most confusing parts of emotional abuse is how intensely loving it can feel in the beginning. Survivors often describe a whirlwind. Affection, flattery, gifts, fast commitment. It is intoxicating. And it is strategic. This is love bombing, and it is not love. […]
From Love Bombing to Bread Crumbing: How Survivors Get Hooked Read More »
When we release control, we make room for survivors to reclaim theirs. Dear Colleague, Survivor decisions are not always what we expect. Some stay. Some leave and return. Some say yes in session and no in real life. These moments can feel disheartening, even confusing. But they are not wrong. They are information. Every choice
Every Choice Is a Step: Honoring Survivor Decision-Making Read More »
It is not defiance. It is protection. And sometimes, it is clarity. Dear Colleague, Survivor resistance can show up in quiet ways. A canceled session. A non-answer to a powerful question. A shift in energy when a certain topic comes up. As providers, it is tempting to interpret this as avoidance or denial. But more
When Survivors Resist: What It Really Means Read More »
Love is not always enough, but understanding can be everything. Dear Survivor, A client once shared how isolating it felt after she left her abusive partner. People praised her for being brave, but when she struggled to sleep, missed her ex, or doubted her decision, they grew impatient. They told her to just move on,
What Survivors Really Need from Their Support System Read More »
What looks like protection may actually be power and control. Dear Colleague, Financial abuse is one of the least recognized forms of control in intimate partner violence. It often hides behind the appearance of care. A partner offers to manage the bills, handle the bank account, or support the household so the survivor can “focus
When Care Is Control: Understanding Financial Abuse in Survivors’ Lives Read More »
Love shouldn’t feel like walking on eggshells. Dear Survivor, At first, it may have looked like devotion. The constant check-ins, the jealousies framed as care, the need to be with you all the time. It felt like intensity, passion, maybe even romance. Then came the slow unraveling of your freedom. They made your world smaller
How to Recognize Coercive Control When Love Is the Bait Read More »
It is not weakness. It is conditioning. And it is trauma. Dear Colleague, One of the most painful things providers witness is when a survivor returns to a harmful relationship. It can feel heartbreaking and disorienting. But what looks like regression is often part of a powerful trauma pattern called intermittent reinforcement. This pattern keeps
Why Survivors Return: The Grip of Intermittent Reinforcement Read More »
Doubt does not always come from within, sometimes it is taught. Dear Survivor, One of the most painful truths survivors share with me is this: “I don’t know how to trust myself anymore.” That feeling does not come out of nowhere. It is built, piece by piece, through patterns of gaslighting. When someone repeatedly denies
How Gaslighting Stole My Voice Read More »
When survivors do not know what they like, want, or feel, that is not dysfunction. That is trauma. Dear Colleague, One of the quietest wounds survivors carry is the erosion of self. After prolonged coercive control, even simple choices can feel overwhelming. Survivors may struggle to name their preferences, identify their values, or make basic
Helping Survivors Reclaim Identity after Coercive Control Read More »
Even when it feels like nothing is changing, survivors are doing deep, courageous work. Dear Colleague, It can be easy to get discouraged when survivors seem stuck. You offer safety, support, and space. Yet the client returns to the relationship, cancels sessions, or shares the same painful pattern week after week. That does not mean
Every Choice Counts: Micro-Moves That Make a Difference for Survivors Read More »