What looks like protection may actually be power and control. Dear Colleague, Financial abuse is one of the least recognized forms of control in intimate partner violence. It often hides behind the appearance of care. A partner offers to manage the bills, handle the bank account, or support the household so the survivor can “focus […]
When Care Is Control: Understanding Financial Abuse in Survivors’ Lives Read More »
Love shouldn’t feel like walking on eggshells. Dear Survivor, At first, it may have looked like devotion. The constant check-ins, the jealousies framed as care, the need to be with you all the time. It felt like intensity, passion, maybe even romance. Then came the slow unraveling of your freedom. They made your world smaller
How to Recognize Coercive Control When Love Is the Bait Read More »
It is not weakness. It is conditioning. And it is trauma. Dear Colleague, One of the most painful things providers witness is when a survivor returns to a harmful relationship. It can feel heartbreaking and disorienting. But what looks like regression is often part of a powerful trauma pattern called intermittent reinforcement. This pattern keeps
Why Survivors Return: The Grip of Intermittent Reinforcement Read More »
Doubt does not always come from within, sometimes it is taught. Dear Survivor, One of the most painful truths survivors share with me is this: “I don’t know how to trust myself anymore.” That feeling does not come out of nowhere. It is built, piece by piece, through patterns of gaslighting. When someone repeatedly denies
How Gaslighting Stole My Voice Read More »
When survivors do not know what they like, want, or feel, that is not dysfunction. That is trauma. Dear Colleague, One of the quietest wounds survivors carry is the erosion of self. After prolonged coercive control, even simple choices can feel overwhelming. Survivors may struggle to name their preferences, identify their values, or make basic
Helping Survivors Reclaim Identity after Coercive Control Read More »
Even when it feels like nothing is changing, survivors are doing deep, courageous work. Dear Colleague, It can be easy to get discouraged when survivors seem stuck. You offer safety, support, and space. Yet the client returns to the relationship, cancels sessions, or shares the same painful pattern week after week. That does not mean
Every Choice Counts: Micro-Moves That Make a Difference for Survivors Read More »
Believing survivors starts long before we say the words out loud. Dear Colleague, Many of us say we believe survivors, but our actions tell another story. We second-guess timelines, ask for more details, or look for signs that someone is “credible.” These micro-validations communicate that survivors must prove their pain. And they chip away at
We Say “Believe Survivors,” But Do We Really? Read More »
Caring deeply is not the same as being equipped to help safely. Dear Colleague, Even the most compassionate provider can cause harm without realizing it. When we rely solely on empathy without examining our approach, we may unintentionally silence or steer survivors. What we think is support can feel like control when it overrides their
Why Good Intentions Cannot Stand Alone in Survivor Support Read More »
Strength is not something we give survivors. It is something we recognize in them. Dear Colleague, Too often, support begins with the assumption that something is wrong. When providers enter the room ready to fix, we reinforce the belief that survivors are damaged. Even gentle guidance can feel like correction when it is not requested.
Survivors Are Not Broken. We Must Stop Treating Them That Way. Read More »
No is a complete sentence, even when your voice trembles. Dear Survivor, Saying no used to feel impossible for me. I remember the weight in my chest every time I wanted to speak up but didn’t. My silence wasn’t because I agreed. It was because I had been taught that protecting others from discomfort mattered
Survivor Boundaries: Learning to Say No Without Guilt Read More »