Missing someone who hurt you does not mean you’re broken. It means you’re human.
Dear Survivor,
A survivor once asked me, “Why do I still miss him? After everything he did, why do I still feel drawn to him?”
That question lives inside so many survivors. And it’s often followed by shame. The answer, more often than not, is trauma bonding. When abuse is mixed with moments of love or comfort, it creates a powerful emotional tether. Your nervous system starts to associate chaos with connection.
It is not weakness. It is survival.
Your body was doing its best to keep you attached to what felt familiar. Your heart held onto hope, not because you were naïve, but because you are wired to seek safety. Even if it was false safety.
Shame has no place here.
You were responding to intermittent reinforcement, the kind that conditions you to chase validation in unpredictable cycles. That kind of bond is not easy to break, and it does not go away just because the relationship ends.
But it can be healed.
You are allowed to miss the version of them you wished they could be, while still choosing not to return. That is not contradiction. That is courage.
If you’re ready to gently untangle the knots left behind, Reclaiming Strength: A Workbook for Relationship Abuse Survivors offers journaling prompts and reflection tools to guide your next steps.
You are not meant to go back to them. You are meant to come home to yourself.
Blessings and healing,
#narcissisticabuse #domesticviolence #DV #IPV #abuser #toxicrelationships #abusivepartners #emotionalabuse #narcissist #survivorstories #healingjourney #traumarecovery #relationshipabuse #abusesurvivor #mentalhealth #healingafterabuse #coercivecontrol