When we release control, we make room for survivors to reclaim theirs.
Dear Colleague,
Survivor decisions are not always what we expect. Some stay. Some leave and return. Some say yes in session and no in real life. These moments can feel disheartening, even confusing. But they are not wrong. They are information.
Every choice a survivor makes is shaped by context, history, and what they believe will keep them safe. Empowering them to make their own decision on their own time is where the healing lies.
Decision-making is not linear when your nervous system has survived control. Honor survivor decision-making.
Some choices are grounded in values. Others are reactions to fear, isolation, or financial pressure. Some may even reflect learned helplessness or the impact of coercive control. But regardless of what drives the decision, we must hold space for it without judgment.
Because autonomy means choosing, even when we do not agree with the choice.
What survivors need most is support that respects their pace and perspective.
Instead of guiding them toward what we believe is safest, ask what feels most important to them. Explore what is at stake in the decision, and reflect back what you hear. Use open-ended questions that create space for clarity, not pressure. Support their agency by making space for complexity. Honor their process and their time.
Need tools to help survivors explore decisions safely and intentionally?
The Reclaiming Strength Workbook is filled with values-based prompts and grounding tools to support survivor-led clarity, especially in moments of ambivalence or transition. You can use this to guide their understanding of abuse and its effects. Understanding the abuse more clearly can help aid in the decision-making process.
With appreciation for all you do,
#supportsurvivors #empowermentafterabuse #relationshipboundaries #reclaimingidentity #traumainformedcare