Missing them doesn’t mean you were wrong to leave, it means you’re human.
Dear Survivor,
If you’ve ever thought, Why do I miss someone who hurt me? please know that this feeling is more common than most people realize. It can feel like your heart is betraying your mind. You know the relationship was harmful. You know you were not safe. And yet, there’s still a part of you that aches for what could have been, or maybe even for what you thought it was.
Missing someone who hurt you does not mean you want to go back. It means there was a real connection, even if it was built on uneven ground. It means your body remembers the warmth between the storms. And it means you are still sorting through the layers of love, grief, confusion, and trauma that can remain after abuse.
There is no shame in missing the familiar, even when it was painful.
Abusive relationships often come with powerful highs and devastating lows. Those moments of kindness or intimacy may have felt like lifelines. That contrast creates emotional intensity, and that intensity can feel a lot like love. When you leave, you’re not just walking away from a person, you’re also grieving an identity, a dream, and a part of your past.
If you’re wondering, Why do I miss someone who hurt me? it’s because you’re healing, not regressing.
To support this process, explore Reclaiming Strength: A Workbook for Relationship Abuse Survivors. It’s designed to help you gently name your feelings and rebuild from the inside out. Missing them is a moment. Choosing you is a movement.
You can hold sadness and still move forward.
Blessings and healing,
Catrina
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