Feeling like you’re “too much” is often the scar left by someone who made you feel like not enough or too needy. Your needs are valid, too. Dear Survivor, I can’t tell you how many survivors I’ve met who shrink themselves before they even speak. They hesitate to share their feelings, fearing they’ll overwhelm or […]
Longing for someone who hurt you does not mean you’re broken. Dear Survivor, Many I work with tell me how confusing it feels to miss their abusive partner. They ask themselves, “Do I want to be hurt?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Why do I still love someone who caused me pain?” These questions are incredibly
Self-blame is a scar survivors carry, not because it’s true, but because it felt safer than the truth. Dear Survivor, If you’ve ever thought, I blame myself for the abuse, please pause and take a breath with me. That feeling is so real, so heavy, and so common. Many survivors carry the belief that they
Some choices save your life even when they shatter your heart. Dear Survivor, “The day I blocked him, my hands were shaking so badly I could barely hold the phone. I felt nauseous, terrified, and strangely guilty. No one had taught me how to walk away from someone who claimed to love me while tearing
Going No Contact Nearly Broke Me But I Would Do It Again Read More »
Missing them doesn’t mean you were wrong to leave, it means you’re human. Dear Survivor, If you’ve ever thought, Why do I miss someone who hurt me? please know that this feeling is more common than most people realize. It can feel like your heart is betraying your mind. You know the relationship was harmful.
Missing someone who hurt you does not mean you’re broken. It means you’re human. Dear Survivor, A distraught survivor once asked me, “Why do I still miss him? After everything he did, why do I still feel drawn to him?” That question lives inside so many survivors. And it’s often followed by shame. The answer,
One of the most devastating effects of abuse is when a survivor begins to doubt their own mind. Dear Survivor, My friend Joanna once sat across from me and said something I’ll never forget. “You know,” she whispered, “I thought I was crazy, but it was just gaslighting.” She shared story after story of how
I Thought I Was Crazy But It Was the Gaslighting Read More »
Grief can come not just from loss, but from finally seeing the truth. Dear Survivor, Letting go of an illusion can hurt more than letting go of a person. I remember grieving not just the relationship, but the future I imagined, the words I believed, the version of love I tried to hold together. It
Survivor Grief: Letting Go of the Relationship You Thought You Had Read More »
No is a complete sentence, even when your voice trembles. Dear Survivor, Saying no used to feel impossible for me. I remember the weight in my chest every time I wanted to speak up but didn’t. My silence wasn’t because I agreed. It was because I had been taught that protecting others from discomfort mattered
Survivor Boundaries: Learning to Say No Without Guilt Read More »
There is a quiet power in hearing yourself again after surviving what tried to silence you. Dear Survivor, Your voice is still yours. It may feel buried beneath doubt or fear, but it has never truly left you. I remember the first moment I heard mine clearly again. It happened during a small decision, one