Sometimes, the hardest part isn’t leaving, it’s staying gone.
Dear Survivor,
One survivor asked me a question that lives in the heart of so many who’ve walked away from painful relationships: “Why do I still miss her?”
He had done what felt like the impossible, left a home that once made him feel small. This survivor had endured years of emotional demands so intense they eroded his sense of autonomy. One moment stuck with him: he was playing games online with friends, trying to unwind, when she stormed in and yelled at him to shut it off. Not asked. Yelled. Like he was a child. Like she was the parent.
It humiliated him. It stung. And still, when he left, he missed her.
That confusion is the signature of trauma bonding. It is a psychological tether created through cycles of abuse and reward, where the same person who harms you also soothes you. This bond doesn’t form because of love, but because of survival. The nervous system learns to adapt to chaos, and in doing so, it mistakes intensity for intimacy.
Healing came slowly, and it came with space.
He reduced contact until he could fully sever ties. Without constant disruption and confusion, his clarity returned. The trauma bond began to weaken. He started making choices that were his again. He found love that didn’t come with fear. The pull faded, and his freedom felt real.
If you’ve ever missed someone who hurt you, please know: you’re not broken.
You are likely untangling a trauma bond that blurred pain with connection. You’re allowed to grieve what should have been while protecting what will be. If you’re working through this, or loving someone who is, The Recovery Roadmap may offer clarity, hope, and direction.
Blessings and healing,
#narcissisticabuse #domesticviolence #DV #IPV #abuser #toxicrelationships #abusivepartners #emotionalabuse #narcissist #survivorstories #healingjourney #traumarecovery #relationshipabuse #abusesurvivor #mentalhealth #healingafterabuse #coercivecontrol