You are not broken. You are absorbing what is too much for one heart to carry alone. Dear Colleague, Vicarious trauma is not a personal failing. It is a natural response to holding story after story of harm, survival, and resilience. It builds slowly. One session, one disclosure, one crisis at a time. And often, […]
Caring Comes at a Cost: Vicarious Trauma in Survivor Work Read More »
It didn’t feel brave, it felt terrifying. Dear Survivor, One client once described a moment that changed her life. She had spent years silencing herself to keep the peace, believing that pleasing others was the safest way to survive. Every time she wanted to say “No,” she swallowed it, afraid of what might come next.
The Power of Saying No in Abuse Recovery Read More »
Feeling like you’re “too much” is often the scar left by someone who made you feel like not enough or too needy. Your needs are valid, too. Dear Survivor, I can’t tell you how many survivors I’ve met who shrink themselves before they even speak. They hesitate to share their feelings, fearing they’ll overwhelm or
Dear Survivor: You Are Not Too Much Read More »
Longing for someone who hurt you does not mean you’re broken. Dear Survivor, Many I work with tell me how confusing it feels to miss their abusive partner. They ask themselves, “Do I want to be hurt?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Why do I still love someone who caused me pain?” These questions are incredibly
Why Do I Still Miss My Abuser? Read More »
Some choices save your life even when they shatter your heart. Dear Survivor, “The day I blocked him, my hands were shaking so badly I could barely hold the phone. I felt nauseous, terrified, and strangely guilty. No one had taught me how to walk away from someone who claimed to love me while tearing
Going No Contact Nearly Broke Me But I Would Do It Again Read More »
Every survivor needs a foundation of safety before healing can begin. Dear Colleague, Survivors often walk into our offices carrying invisible alarms that never turn off. Safety is not just physical. It includes emotional, psychological, sexual, and financial dimensions that are frequently overlooked. As providers, we are not only asked to recognize danger. We are
Every Survivor Deserves to Feel Safe. Here’s Where We Start Read More »
Missing someone who hurt you does not mean you’re broken. It means you’re human. Dear Survivor, A distraught survivor once asked me, “Why do I still miss him? After everything he did, why do I still feel drawn to him?” That question lives inside so many survivors. And it’s often followed by shame. The answer,
Why Do I Miss My Abusive Ex? Read More »
Caring deeply is not the same as being equipped to help safely. Dear Colleague, Even the most compassionate provider can cause harm without realizing it. When we rely solely on empathy without examining our approach, we may unintentionally silence or steer survivors. What we think is support can feel like control when it overrides their
Why Good Intentions Cannot Stand Alone in Survivor Support Read More »
One of the most devastating effects of abuse is when a survivor begins to doubt their own mind. Dear Survivor, My friend Joanna once sat across from me and said something I’ll never forget. “You know,” she whispered, “I thought I was crazy, but it was just gaslighting.” She shared story after story of how
I Thought I Was Crazy But It Was the Gaslighting Read More »
Grief can come not just from loss, but from finally seeing the truth. Dear Survivor, Letting go of an illusion can hurt more than letting go of a person. I remember grieving not just the relationship, but the future I imagined, the words I believed, the version of love I tried to hold together. It
Survivor Grief: Letting Go of the Relationship You Thought You Had Read More »