Love is not always enough, but understanding can be everything. Dear Survivor, A client once shared how isolating it felt after she left her abusive partner. People praised her for being brave, but when she struggled to sleep, missed her ex, or doubted her decision, they grew impatient. They told her to just move on, […]
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You are not broken. You are absorbing what is too much for one heart to carry alone. Dear Colleague, Vicarious trauma is not a personal failing. It is a natural response to holding story after story of harm, survival, and resilience. It builds slowly. One session, one disclosure, one crisis at a time. And often,
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It didn’t feel brave, it felt terrifying. Dear Survivor, One client once described a moment that changed her life. She had spent years silencing herself to keep the peace, believing that pleasing others was the safest way to survive. Every time she wanted to say “No,” she swallowed it, afraid of what might come next.
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What looks like protection may actually be power and control. Financial abuse is real and, often, very covert. Dear Colleague, Financial abuse is one of the least recognized forms of control in intimate partner violence. It often hides behind the appearance of care. A partner offers to manage the bills, handle the bank account, or
When Care Is Control: Understanding Financial Abuse in Survivors’ Lives Read More »
Love should never feel like walking on eggshells. It should not come with conditions and strings attached. Dear Survivor, At first, it may have looked like devotion, romance, infatuation, and even felt like love. The constant check-ins, the jealousies framed as care, the subtle sabotage, the need to be with you all the time. It
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It is not weakness. It is conditioning. And it is trauma. Dear Colleague, One of the most painful things providers witness is when a survivor returns to a harmful relationship. It can feel heartbreaking and disorienting. But what looks like regression is often part of a powerful trauma pattern called intermittent reinforcement. This pattern keeps
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Self-doubt does not always come from within, sometimes it is taught. Dear Survivor, One of the most painful truths survivors share with me is this: “I don’t know how to trust myself anymore.” That feeling does not come out of nowhere. It is built, crafted, piece by piece, through patterns of gaslighting and manipulation. When
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When survivors do not know what they like, want, or feel, that is not dysfunction. That is trauma. Dear Colleague, One of the quietest wounds survivors carry is the erosion of one’s self. After prolonged coercive control, even simple choices can feel overwhelming. Survivors may find a struggle to name their preferences, identify their values,
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Not every “I’m sorry” is meant to heal. Many are another way to control. Dear Survivor, Some survivors tell me they feel crazy for doubting apologies. They hear “I’m sorry,” and part of them wants to believe it, hold it, make it mean something. But then nothing changes, old patterns resume days or weeks later.
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Healing after abuse happens in micro-moves. These small shifts deserve to be seen and supported. Dear Colleague, In trauma therapy, it’s common to witness a client return to the same relationship, cancel sessions, or describe ongoing patterns that seem unchanged. It can feel discouraging, even like progress isn’t happening. But healing after abuse doesn’t always
Healing After Abuse: Why Micro-Moves Matter for Survivors Read More »