Sometimes silence feels more threatening than chaos. Dear Survivor, One woman I worked with described how anxious she felt in her first healthy relationship. There were no raised voices, no sudden mood swings, no punishments for speaking her mind. On the outside, everything looked calm. But inside, she was panicked. Her body could not relax, […]
I Was Afraid of Peace Because I Thought It Meant Danger Read More »
It is not defiance. It is protection. And sometimes, it is clarity. Dear Colleague, Survivor resistance can show up in quiet ways. A canceled session. A non-answer to a powerful question. A shift in energy when a certain topic comes up. As providers, it is tempting to interpret this as avoidance or denial. But more
When Survivors Resist: What It Really Means Read More »
Love is not always enough, but understanding can be everything. Dear Survivor, A client once shared how isolating it felt after she left her abusive partner. People praised her for being brave, but when she struggled to sleep, missed her ex, or doubted her decision, they grew impatient. They told her to just move on,
What Survivors Really Need from Their Support System Read More »
You are not broken. You are absorbing what is too much for one heart to carry alone. Dear Colleague, Vicarious trauma is not a personal failing. It is a natural response to holding story after story of harm, survival, and resilience. It builds slowly. One session, one disclosure, one crisis at a time. And often,
Caring Comes at a Cost: Vicarious Trauma in Survivor Work Read More »
It didn’t feel brave, it felt terrifying. Dear Survivor, One client once described a moment that changed her life. She had spent years silencing herself to keep the peace, believing that pleasing others was the safest way to survive. Every time she wanted to say “No,” she swallowed it, afraid of what might come next.
The First Time I Said “No” and Meant It Read More »
What looks like protection may actually be power and control. Dear Colleague, Financial abuse is one of the least recognized forms of control in intimate partner violence. It often hides behind the appearance of care. A partner offers to manage the bills, handle the bank account, or support the household so the survivor can “focus
When Care Is Control: Understanding Financial Abuse in Survivors’ Lives Read More »
Love shouldn’t feel like walking on eggshells. Dear Survivor, At first, it may have looked like devotion. The constant check-ins, the jealousies framed as care, the need to be with you all the time. It felt like intensity, passion, maybe even romance. Then came the slow unraveling of your freedom. They made your world smaller
How to Recognize Coercive Control When Love Is the Bait Read More »
It is not weakness. It is conditioning. And it is trauma. Dear Colleague, One of the most painful things providers witness is when a survivor returns to a harmful relationship. It can feel heartbreaking and disorienting. But what looks like regression is often part of a powerful trauma pattern called intermittent reinforcement. This pattern keeps
Why Survivors Return: The Grip of Intermittent Reinforcement Read More »
Doubt does not always come from within, sometimes it is taught. Dear Survivor, One of the most painful truths survivors share with me is this: “I don’t know how to trust myself anymore.” That feeling does not come out of nowhere. It is built, piece by piece, through patterns of gaslighting. When someone repeatedly denies
How Gaslighting Stole My Voice Read More »
When survivors do not know what they like, want, or feel, that is not dysfunction. That is trauma. Dear Colleague, One of the quietest wounds survivors carry is the erosion of self. After prolonged coercive control, even simple choices can feel overwhelming. Survivors may struggle to name their preferences, identify their values, or make basic
Helping Survivors Reclaim Identity after Coercive Control Read More »