Not every “I’m sorry” is meant to heal. Dear Survivor, Some survivors tell me they feel crazy for doubting apologies. They hear “I’m sorry,” and part of them wants to believe it, hold it, make it mean something. But then nothing changes. Or worse, the kindness fades and the harm returns, often quickly. This isn’t […]
When Apologies Are Just Another Weapon Read More »
Even when it feels like nothing is changing, survivors are doing deep, courageous work. Dear Colleague, It can be easy to get discouraged when survivors seem stuck. You offer safety, support, and space. Yet the client returns to the relationship, cancels sessions, or shares the same painful pattern week after week. That does not mean
Every Choice Counts: Micro-Moves That Make a Difference for Survivors Read More »
Feeling like you’re “too much” is often the scar left by someone who made you feel like not enough or too needy. Dear Survivor, I can’t tell you how many survivors I’ve met who shrink themselves before they even speak. They hesitate to share their feelings, fearing they’ll overwhelm or inconvenience someone. Many were told
Dear Survivor: You Are Not Too Much Read More »
Longing for someone who hurt you does not mean you’re broken. Dear Survivor, Many I work with tell me how confusing it feels to miss their abusive partner. They ask themselves, “Do I want to be hurt?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Why do I still love someone who caused me pain?” These questions are incredibly
Why Do I Still Miss Them? Read More »
Every survivor needs a foundation of safety before healing can begin. Dear Colleague, Survivors often walk into our offices carrying invisible alarms that never turn off. Safety is not just physical. It includes emotional, psychological, and financial dimensions that are frequently overlooked. As providers, we are not only asked to recognize danger. We are also
Every Survivor Deserves to Feel Safe. Here’s Where We Start Read More »
Some choices save your life even when they shatter your heart. Dear Survivor, “The day I blocked him, my hands were shaking so badly I could barely hold the phone. I felt nauseous, terrified, and strangely guilty. No one had taught me how to walk away from someone who claimed to love me while tearing
Going No Contact Nearly Broke Me But I Would Do It Again Read More »
Believing survivors starts long before we say the words out loud. Dear Colleague, Many of us say we believe survivors, but our actions tell another story. We second-guess timelines, ask for more details, or look for signs that someone is “credible.” These micro-validations communicate that survivors must prove their pain. And they chip away at
We Say “Believe Survivors,” But Do We Really? Read More »
Missing someone who hurt you does not mean you’re broken. It means you’re human. Dear Survivor, A survivor once asked me, “Why do I still miss him? After everything he did, why do I still feel drawn to him?” That question lives inside so many survivors. And it’s often followed by shame. The answer, more
Why Do I Miss My Abusive Ex? Read More »
Caring deeply is not the same as being equipped to help safely. Dear Colleague, Even the most compassionate provider can cause harm without realizing it. When we rely solely on empathy without examining our approach, we may unintentionally silence or steer survivors. What we think is support can feel like control when it overrides their
Why Good Intentions Cannot Stand Alone in Survivor Support Read More »
One of the most devastating effects of abuse is when a survivor begins to doubt their own mind. Dear Survivor, My friend Joanna once sat across from me and said something I’ll never forget. “You know,” she whispered, “I thought I was crazy, but it was just gaslighting.” She shared story after story of how
I Thought I Was Crazy But It Was the Gaslighting Read More »