What looks like protection may actually be power and control. Financial abuse is real and, often, very covert. Dear Colleague, Financial abuse is one of the least recognized forms of control in intimate partner violence. It often hides behind the appearance of care. A partner offers to manage the bills, handle the bank account, or […]
When Care Is Control: Understanding Financial Abuse in Survivors’ Lives Read More »
Love should never feel like walking on eggshells. It should not come with conditions and strings attached. Dear Survivor, At first, it may have looked like devotion, romance, infatuation, and even felt like love. The constant check-ins, the jealousies framed as care, the subtle sabotage, the need to be with you all the time. It
How to Recognize Coercive Control When Love Is the Bait Read More »
It is not weakness. It is conditioning. And it is trauma. Dear Colleague, One of the most painful things providers witness is when a survivor returns to a harmful relationship. It can feel heartbreaking and disorienting. But what looks like regression is often part of a powerful trauma pattern called intermittent reinforcement. This pattern keeps
Why Survivors Return: The Grip of Intermittent Reinforcement Read More »
Self-doubt does not always come from within, sometimes it is taught. Dear Survivor, One of the most painful truths survivors share with me is this: “I don’t know how to trust myself anymore.” That feeling does not come out of nowhere. It is built, crafted, piece by piece, through patterns of gaslighting and manipulation. When
How Gaslighting Stole My Voice Read More »
When survivors do not know what they like, want, or feel, that is not dysfunction. That is trauma. Dear Colleague, One of the quietest wounds survivors carry is the erosion of one’s self. After prolonged coercive control, even simple choices can feel overwhelming. Survivors may find a struggle to name their preferences, identify their values,
Helping Survivors Reclaim Identity after Coercive Control Read More »
Not every “I’m sorry” is meant to heal. Many are another way to control. Dear Survivor, Some survivors tell me they feel crazy for doubting apologies. They hear “I’m sorry,” and part of them wants to believe it, hold it, make it mean something. But then nothing changes, old patterns resume days or weeks later.
When Apologies Are Just Another Weapon Read More »
Healing after abuse happens in micro-moves. These small shifts deserve to be seen and supported. Dear Colleague, In trauma therapy, it’s common to witness a client return to the same relationship, cancel sessions, or describe ongoing patterns that seem unchanged. It can feel discouraging, even like progress isn’t happening. But healing after abuse doesn’t always
Healing After Abuse: Why Micro-Moves Matter for Survivors Read More »
Feeling like you’re “too much” is often the scar left by someone who made you feel like not enough or too needy. Your needs are valid, too. Dear Survivor, I can’t tell you how many survivors I’ve met who shrink themselves before they even speak. They hesitate to share their feelings, fearing they’ll overwhelm or
Dear Survivor: You Are Not Too Much Read More »
Longing for someone who hurt you does not mean you’re broken. Dear Survivor, Many I work with tell me how confusing it feels to miss their abusive partner. They ask themselves, “Do I want to be hurt?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Why do I still love someone who caused me pain?” These questions are incredibly
Why Do I Still Miss My Abuser? Read More »
Self-blame is a scar survivors carry, not because it’s true, but because it felt safer than the truth. Dear Survivor, If you’ve ever thought, I blame myself for the abuse, please pause and take a breath with me. That feeling is so real, so heavy, and so common. Many survivors carry the belief that they
Why Do I Blame Myself for the Abuse? Read More »