Some choices save your life even when they shatter your heart. Dear Survivor, “The day I blocked him, my hands were shaking so badly I could barely hold the phone. I felt nauseous, terrified, and strangely guilty. No one had taught me how to walk away from someone who claimed to love me while tearing […]
Going No Contact Nearly Broke Me But I Would Do It Again Read More »
Missing them doesn’t mean you were wrong to leave, it means you’re human. Dear Survivor, If you’ve ever thought, Why do I miss someone who hurt me? please know that this feeling is more common than most people realize. It can feel like your heart is betraying your mind. You know the relationship was harmful.
Believing survivors starts long before we say the words out loud. Dear Colleague, Many of us say we believe survivors, but our actions and reactions can tell another story. We second-guess timelines, ask for more details, or look for signs that someone is “credible.” These micro-validations communicate that survivors must prove their pain. And they
Missing someone who hurt you does not mean you’re broken. It means you’re human. Dear Survivor, A distraught survivor once asked me, “Why do I still miss him? After everything he did, why do I still feel drawn to him?” That question lives inside so many survivors. And it’s often followed by shame. The answer,
Caring deeply is not the same as being equipped to help safely. Dear Colleague, Even the most compassionate provider can cause harm without realizing it. When we rely solely on empathy without examining our approach, we may unintentionally silence or steer survivors. What we think is support can feel like control when it overrides their
Why Good Intentions Cannot Stand Alone in Survivor Support Read More »
One of the most devastating effects of abuse is when a survivor begins to doubt their own mind. Dear Survivor, My friend Joanna once sat across from me and said something I’ll never forget. “You know,” she whispered, “I thought I was crazy, but it was just gaslighting.” She shared story after story of how
I Thought I Was Crazy But It Was the Gaslighting Read More »
Strength is not something we give survivors. It is something we recognize in them. Dear Colleague, Too often, support begins with the assumption that something is wrong. When providers enter the room ready to fix, we reinforce the belief that survivors are damaged. Even gentle guidance can feel like correction when it is not requested.
Survivors Are Not Broken. We Must Stop Treating Them That Way. Read More »
Grief can come not just from loss, but from finally seeing the truth. Dear Survivor, Letting go of an illusion can hurt more than letting go of a person. I remember grieving not just the relationship, but the future I imagined, the words I believed, the version of love I tried to hold together. It
Survivor Grief: Letting Go of the Relationship You Thought You Had Read More »
Sometimes the systems we create for safety end up reinforcing control. Dear Colleague, We are taught to protect survivors, but protection can look a lot like power. When we take over a survivor’s safety plan, we may unintentionally mirror the dynamics they are trying to escape. Safety built on control, even benevolent control, can feel
What If Everything We Know About Survivor Safety Is Wrong Read More »
No is a complete sentence, even when your voice trembles. Dear Survivor, Saying no used to feel impossible for me. I remember the weight in my chest every time I wanted to speak up but didn’t. My silence wasn’t because I agreed. It was because I had been taught that protecting others from discomfort mattered
Survivor Boundaries: Learning to Say No Without Guilt Read More »