One of the most devastating effects of abuse is when a survivor begins to doubt their own mind. Dear Survivor, My friend Joanna once sat across from me and said something I’ll never forget. “You know,” she whispered, “I thought I was crazy, but it was just gaslighting.” She shared story after story of how […]
I Thought I Was Crazy But It Was the Gaslighting Read More »
Strength is not something we give survivors. It is something we recognize in them. Dear Colleague, Too often, support begins with the assumption that something is wrong. When providers enter the room ready to fix, we reinforce the belief that survivors are damaged. Even gentle guidance can feel like correction when it is not requested.
Survivors Are Not Broken. We Must Stop Treating Them That Way. Read More »
Grief can come not just from loss, but from finally seeing the truth. Dear Survivor, Letting go of an illusion can hurt more than letting go of a person. I remember grieving not just the relationship, but the future I imagined, the words I believed, the version of love I tried to hold together. It
Survivor Grief: Letting Go of the Relationship You Thought You Had Read More »
Sometimes the systems we create for safety end up reinforcing control. Dear Colleague, We are taught to protect survivors, but protection can look a lot like power. When we take over a survivor’s safety plan, we may unintentionally mirror the dynamics they are trying to escape. Safety built on control, even benevolent control, can feel
What If Everything We Know About Survivor Safety Is Wrong Read More »
No is a complete sentence, even when your voice trembles. Dear Survivor, Saying no used to feel impossible for me. I remember the weight in my chest every time I wanted to speak up but didn’t. My silence wasn’t because I agreed. It was because I had been taught that protecting others from discomfort mattered
Survivor Boundaries: Learning to Say No Without Guilt Read More »
Sometimes even our most encouraging words can leave survivors of abusive relationship feeling unseen. Dear Colleague, Empowering language can become a burden when survivors are not ready to carry it. Phrases like “you’re so strong” or “you’ve got this” are meant to uplift, but they can land as expectations. Survivors may feel they have to
When Empowering Survivors Starts to Feel Like Pressure Read More »
There is a quiet power in hearing yourself again after surviving what tried to silence you. Dear Survivor, Your voice is still yours. It may feel buried beneath doubt or fear, but it has never truly left you. I remember the first moment I heard mine clearly again. It happened during a small decision, one
Survivor Strength: Reclaiming Your Inner Voice Read More »
Some days, helping survivors will confront parts of you that you have not healed yet. Dear Colleague, Helping survivors often surfaces your own unprocessed wounds. Even the most seasoned provider can feel caught off guard by an emotional reaction. These reactions may come from past personal trauma, grief, or even early professional burnout. No one
The Thing Nobody Tells You About Helping Survivors Read More »
Healing doesn’t always move in a straight line. Dear Survivor, I thought leaving would be the hard part. I believed that once I got out, the pain would fade and peace would follow. I imagined progress would feel like clarity, like I had crossed a finish line. But instead, I found myself triggered by small
Survivor Strength: Healing Isn’t Linear and That’s Okay Read More »
Some of the most dangerous moments in a survivor’s life happen right after they decide to leave. Dear Colleague, Leaving is often the most life threatening decision a survivor can make. Studies show that women are 70 times more likely to be killed in the weeks after leaving than at any other time in the
Survivors Are Dying to Leave. Literally. Read More »